calculated changes by a math illiterate feminist

10. self portrait

2012-02-10T12:44:00.002-07:00

9. front door

2012-02-09T18:16:00.002-07:00

well, here is our front door. i quite like it. more importantly, i love the home that is behind it.

it is my friday today. :) three day weekend, here i come.

8. sun

2012-02-08T11:21:00.002-07:00

well, since there is no sun to be seen in salt lake city today (it is a lovely grey cloud cover)....i thought i would post a photo of the beautiful key west sunshine (or sunset, rather), since we just booked our trip there this upcoming may. can't wait to soak up the rays and get on a boat!

7. buttons

2012-02-07T11:38:00.004-07:00

"button" is so vague. so, i just went with the buttons on my pants. that works, i suppose.

6. dinner

2012-02-06T20:07:00.002-07:00

i forgot to photograph the actual dinner this evening, but i did get the post coffee. tonight, i enjoyed dinner with some friends from the radisson at settebello. it was great to see them. and, i miss pizza.

5. 10:00 am

2012-02-05T11:55:00.000-07:00

9:58 am

10:00 am

had a little self-pampering this morning, which hasn't happened in months. happy end of the weekend! (and i don't care about the superbowl).

4. stranger

2012-02-04T16:05:00.001-07:00

this is the nice barista from whisper's cafe on 1100 east. he was my photo op for the day, thanks to hollie who requested he pose for the camera. :)

today has been lovely. i had a nice brunch with two wonderful friends at finn's cafe and then headed over to the leonardo museum where my friend jennica was teaching a workshop on making robot valentines. they were amazing. i love valentines day. and, since i was in the spirit of love, i headed out to get my lovah his gift for the occasion. <3

here are some photos from our afternoon at the leo.

3: hands

2012-02-03T08:59:00.000-07:00

these are my favorite hands.

photo life.

2012-02-02T12:01:00.000-07:00

saw this on a friends page, and i think i will try it....

but i am already a day behind!

1) so, here is an actual "view" i texted to russ the other day:

2) and here are some words. mine.

fun times. :)

copy cat

2012-02-02T10:27:00.005-07:00

my good friend, stephanie from Bloom in Saturation, posted this blog after seeing it on another blog she follows. i copied her. i have been trying to post all week, but have been so busy, this at least got something up. :)

What is your greatest fear? not checking things off my "to-do in life" list. things like have some kiddos and travel to Europe. have a happy marriage. get my PhD. you know, things like that. and yes, even after writing a book on death, that still scares me too. not necessarily in that order. ;)

What is your current state of mind? Grateful for everything I love in life and anxious and excited for things in my future.

What is your favorite occupation (way of spending time)? held up in a coffee shop reading or writing or spending time with my favorite person, russell. also, time with my sisters can't be matched. my job is actually up there too...i enjoy my work. additionally, school. i love being in school and am a little sad right now that i am done for a while.

What historical figure do you most identify with? Rainer Maria Rilke', the poet. I think we have mirrored souls.

Which living person do you most admire? I have a few professors from my undergrad program that i will always admire for their passion for writing and for their pursuit of higher education through kids, divorces, etc. They are some incredibly strong women who i look up to and always will.

Who is your favorite fictional hero? Right now, as I am in the middle of the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series, Lisabeth Salandar. I have a major girl crush on her.

Who are your real life hero's? myself. i know, i know--but it has to be. i have come a long way in the past five years, and personally, to be where i am today is pretty heroic.

What is your most treasured possession? my people. i could do without any THING, but i could never do without the amazing people in my life. oh, and my dogs.

When and where were you happiest? i am always the happiest when i am with russ. location doesn't matter much--although vacation is always a prime choice. i think that i was pretty damn happy when russ and i were in them middle of wine country...sigh. that was happy.

What is your most obvious characteristic? i think my eyes. that is what people comment on most, anyway.

What is the trait you most deplore (hate) in yourself? i don't "hate" anything about myself. and, i truly believe that the things i don't super love--i work on changing. i am a constant work in progress. also, i don't like to focus on self-hatred, so that is about all you will get for this kind of question.

What is the trait you most deplore in others? ignorance. blatant ignorance. and hate.

What is your greatest extravagance? right now, i don't have any. i guess you could say that my student loans have replaced any extravagance.

What is your favorite journey? like my friend steph said, my relationship. i am in awe of it and love the path it is taking us on. it is a journey that i want to stay on for a long long time.

What do you most dislike about your appearance? well, i am starting to get smile line wrinkles...and that sort of pisses me off. why should i be punished for smiling?

What do you consider the most overrated virtue? patience.

On what occasion do you lie? i don't. this has become VERY important to me. but i also don't say hurtful things. silence can be virtuous.

Which words or phrases do you over use? i sing two songs on a regular basis--which russell makes fun of me for constantly. "oooo, baby i love your ways....everyday"....and "oooo, baby baby it's a wild world." no idea. they are just constantly in my head. you never know which one you are going to get. if you are lucky, sometimes some sweet four non-blondes will come out with "i wake up in the morning and i step outside and i take a deep breath and i get real high.....and i scream at the top of my lungs WHAT'S GOIN ON?" i know. super weird.

in regular talking, i don't know that i turn one particular phrase over and over.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? that i could eat whatever i want without my ass becoming the size of a mac truck.

What do you consider your greatest achievement? finishing grad school with straight A's in the midst of a divorce, home foreclosure, some of the worst and most toxic relationships of my life, and a total self overhaul. the end got better though... ;)

Where would you like to live? by the ocean. someday, i would love to live by the ocean.

What is the quality you admire most in a man? self-motivation, loyalty, confidence, humor, understanding, the ability to understand himself, the capability to talk about feelings, the drive to do and be more all the time, the patience to deal with some of my crap. :) (his name is russell)

What is the quality you admire most in a woman? self love and the ability to be whole on her own terms.

What is it you most dislike? confrontation. i will do it, but i really hate it. i would much rather internally struggle until i get over something most of time--which isn't good at all. i think i had so much confrontation in my life that now i try to avoid it at all costs. now, i am the queen of letting things roll off my shoulders. things just don't upset me like they used to, which is good. but, when something does upset me, i have a very hard time expressing that because i still equate confrontation with terrible endings (endings that sometimes last and last and last....). i am just now beginning to understand that confrontation doesn't always equal an ending, but can do the opposite. it can lead to new and better beginnings.

If you were to die and come back as a person or animal, what do you think it would it be? a bird, of course. a really pretty colorful bird.

If you could choose an object to come back as, what would it be? a book full of blank pages so that someone could write an amazing story between my solid bindings.

What is your motto (words you live by or mean a lot to you)?

"If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches; for the Creator, there is no poverty."

"Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other."

Both by Rainer Maria Rilke'

Who has been the greatest influence on you? as a whole? probably my amazing parents. they taught me all the good stuff. although, currently, i would have to say russell. he is such a great person and so wonderful to me that i constantly check myself because he makes me feel like being the best chelsea i could ever be. i feel like my best self when i am with him...and that is a good feeling.

I wrote a poem...

2012-01-24T13:16:00.002-07:00

....today. For the first time, in a long time.

Love Check List

winter walk

2012-01-22T12:49:00.002-07:00

yesterday was gross and depressing. rainy, grey, disgusting. today was much better, so the pups and i made the best of it. rainer ran around the yard while i threw the ball and pablo and i went on a long beautiful walk. it totally made up for the crap weather that put me in a terrible mood yesterday.

thursday thoughts.

2012-01-12T14:07:00.000-07:00

things have been rather mellow. actually, more mellow than i can ever remember them being--and in the best possible ways, i suppose. as someone who has always thrived on being busy, productive, and overall stressed out at all times, i am trying to enjoy this downtime and ignore the feeling that creeps up every so often to get busy again.

i have recently stopped drinking for a while--and it is interesting to see how much that sort of flips your life around a bit. i have never been a heavy drinker, in the sense that getting drunk was ever the point. however, i had worked my way into a bad habit of having a drink or two (and sometimes three) on a near daily basis. mostly because i enjoy drinking wine while i cook (especially when i cook WITH it!), or have a drink while i snuggle up with my man or my pups to watch a flick. it just got to be a way of life really. and most of my social life, in some way, revolved around grabbing a drink, drinking at someone's house, or pre-gaming before the actual "game." And, i suppose i didn't realize how involved alcohol was in my life until i cut it out--and found i had nothing really to do! gasp! what a harsh and sort of ridiculous reality.

the main reason i cut out the drinking was to lose a few pounds--which is working with the help of also cutting out the carbs and sugar. alcohol has so many calories that i don't need and was ingesting--nearly every day. i guess i didn't realize that the second effect of not drinking was going to be feeling like a hermit. i have been staying home a lot. my goal was to stop drinking until my birthday on february 25th. however, i am starting to think about how i am going to 'dive back in' once that day comes. hopefully, my habits will have changed enough that making a weekly trip to the liquor store for my supply of wine and vodka won't be necessary. and hopefully, i won't have that daily urge to have a cocktail with dinner. honestly, i don't need it....and i don't want to feel like i want it anymore. but, there is the huge part of me that feels like i won't be fun--or do fun things--or that i won't see friends because we simply can't think of alternative things to do. and then i think that is really fucked up. going for coffee still sounds lame to me.....and that is problematic.

but i am going to do it. and i hope to never be at the point of alcohol consumption that i have been in the past 3 years or so. and let me be clear here--it isn't a ridiculous amount. i am not a party girl puking in the bathrooms of bars or killing a bottle of anything by myself at home. i would say my drinking is/was moderate. but i would also say it wasn't healthy and probably contributed to the extra lbs i have so happily (yeah, right) put on since my divorce and grad school. and frankly, life is really happy and full right now--and i can part with my daily habit and let alcohol go back to being a weekend novelty...and perhaps skip a few weekends once in a while.

in the meantime, i am trying to get creative with the things i do and at the same time, be ok with being a homebody (which i have always sort of wanted and never had time to be). i hope to never take a 'roadie' cocktail anywhere again. a flask, maybe. maaaaaybe. therefore, UMFA, the otters at the living planet aquarium, and alchemy coffee shop are going to get some visits from chelsea and russell. and anyone else would like to come along. i will, however, be looking forward to a nice glass of wine and a happy 'salut' with friends on my 32nd birthday in six weeks. i have no intention of never drinking again--but it is high time i looked forward with a healthy outlook on life and change some habits now, while i can and while my motivation is high. and hopefully, this time next year, i will also be much thinner. <3

And, those are my thoughts for this thursday. :)

2012

2012-01-02T12:48:00.001-07:00

I have a whole list of what I want this year to be. But the list isn't as easily put as it was last year. I am happy to say that 2011 was the best year I have had--well, maybe ever. My list was crossed off 100%. But things can only get better from here and I can't wait for everything 2012 brings us.

Happy New Year!

xmas week--and the sun hasn't been out in DAYS

2011-12-20T10:22:00.001-07:00

i hate the inversion. more than anything else, when it comes to winter in salt lake city, the inversion tops my list. everything is grey and disgusting...there is no color whatsoever and you can't see the city, let alone the mountains, from the valley. yuck. usually we have it later in the season--late january or early feburary. however, since we have had virtually no snow, it has set it right before christmas.

ewwwww

but other than the gross air we are breathing daily, things are pretty okay. i am just about done with everything for christmas and looking forward to a week off of work and some down time. my "new" job has proven to be great at celebrating the holidays. We get the week after Christmas off as well as the Monday after new years and we had a great holiday party which included delicious food and wine and a great "white elephant"--but with fabulous presents. i ended up getting a premium beer from a local brewery with some great little beer glasses. score central!

i had a long 4 day weekend this past week as well, which was awesome because i spent a lot of time reading (the girl with the dragon tattoo--which i am LOVING) and hanging with the dogs and russ. we took a lovely trip up to park city to hang with russ's cousin and her husband who were vising from chicago and ate at high west distillery, one of our favorites. we had a great time.

whhhats up?

lap dog

i am looking forward to spending christmas with my man and my family....but am desperatly missing my sister and hate that she can't be here. always seems a little less magical without her. :(

happy holidays to you all.

sometimes a weekend only needs...

2011-12-05T11:28:00.001-07:00

to be full of twinkle lights, cleaning, bowling, jewelry re-organizing (and i found so much i thought i had lost!) and drinking some egg nog coffee out of your boyfriend's mug. his name is russ, by the way.

hope you all had a great weekend! it always goes by so fast.....

this upcoming weekend the holiday parties begin! so looking forward to spending time with great friends. :)

the weekends are sexy

2011-12-01T18:28:00.001-07:00

the thing that i probably love most about my job is that i get every other friday off. sure, i have to work longer days during the rest of the time.....but it makes Thursday nights like this totally worth it.

the boy and i are drinking some wine and then heading out for pizza and perhaps a movie. muppets?? we shall see.....maybe we might go get our christmas tree instead. i can't wait until saturday....lol.

have a good weekend everyone! cheers to allya'al!

music inspirations

2011-11-30T14:16:00.001-07:00

it has been a little while since i have posted anything about some of the music that is getting under my skin lately. so, i thought i would put it here in this neat little nice blog so that you can let it get under your skin too.

up first: the new ryan adam's album (ashes and fire). it is heaven. it is bliss. i think he is one out of 3 people left on my bucket list to see live. this has to happen soon. sooooon.

here is the title track live: ashes and fire.
he performs flawlessly, of course.

this is probably my favorite tune from the album--mostly because it is a love song and i want to sing it to my hot sexy man.

next up, the antlers. this is a newer band for me--but i am so into it. it is just soooo, bouncy. or something.

and, bat for lashes. i had heard about this band/singer for a while and never checked it out. this song hooked me and now i am a goner. love the techno/industrial feel, but also so in depth and full. love it. and she is hot and the video is super strange.

and last but not least, bat for lashes led me to, love inks. similar feel--hot chick techo/indie ish awesomeness. i love this whole album. dig it.

that is all from me today. :D

lunch break loves

2011-11-29T12:38:00.001-07:00

sometimes internet window shopping really does help. :) here are some lovely things that caught my eye today; care of wanelo.com (<3).

and dear boyfriend, can we please try to make one of these? this is a project that i would LOVE:

xmas is coming....

2011-11-28T12:06:00.001-07:00

for the first time in YEARS, i am thrilled to decorate for the holidays. all we have left to get is the tree! this year, we will have a silver bluebird tree, and it will be beeeautiful. :)

can't wait!

until then, we have lights up in this beeotch and some boozy eggnog! let's party!

it is what you are supposed to do, right?

2011-11-22T11:02:00.001-07:00

every year i write some kind of what i refer to as an "obligatory thanksgiving blog." this year, i was going to skip it because really, it never feels like something anyone would want to read--or cliche' somehow. however, the past few weeks, i haven't really been feeling like myself. the weather has gotten cold and grey, the funds have been low, and i have been feeling mostly overall blah. i can't pinpoint one big thing that has been making me feel like doing nothing more than sleeping, watching movies, dog cuddling on the couch, or having a few cocktails and reading--but a lot of little things can sometimes end up feeling like much more than one big thing. the problem with little things is that once in this rut, any small thing can feel huge, significant, weighted, and overwhelming. the little things ALL become the big things and dealing with them in succession just feels, well, shitty. a wrong look could send me into a bawl fest at this point. how annoying?

so, because i am a major believer in the power of gratitude and positive thinking, i felt it was time to focus on what i am happy about, what i love, and what makes me smile. and hopefully, by the end of it, the universe and i will start seeing eye to eye again. because you and i both know that what i really want to do is make a list of all the crap that has been bothering me--but what good would that do anyone--besides giving focus and names to everything i want to go away? so, forward thinking, here we go.

what i am thankful for 

2011

--my job. this time last year i was miserable in a job i didn't love and trying to attempt to figure out how to make it work. but here i am. writing, blogging, website keeping, communication theorizing, and social networking my butt off. and, doing it for a company who is focused on doing good for other people. nothing about this job feels dishonest, high pressure (in a sales way), or plastic. it makes me feel good about myself. i literally feel like i came from a dark cave into a new world of light. yes, that is cheesy as hell. shut up.

Day of Caring, United Way of Salt Lake 2011

--my education. it cost me a lot of money, so i better be thankful for it. it got me the exact job i was looking for. it gave me lifelong friends. and it kept me sane during difficult times. every time i pay that student loan payment, i am going to try to be thankful for the opportunity--finally being able to check off a lifelong goal. :)

Westminster College

--russell. no person or relationship is perfect--but if you asked me what kind of man i wanted to be with, no matter at what age, he is what i described. he is, by far, what makes me most happy, feel most secure, and most excited for the future. i believe wholeheartedly that every experience in my life led me straight to him. he is it. everything in my world is better because i share it with him. i never wanted a "other half"--and i am thankful that both of us are whole people, worked hard at being happy alone, and waited for another person who had done the same. i have tried to make other people whole and emptied myself out in the process. russell and i are individuals, and together that makes us unbreakable. i honestly feel like we could face almost anything. i have never felt that before--and i will fight tooth and nail to keep it/protect it/honor it. (and he makes me laugh and he likes everything i cook. extra WIN!)

Lovah, San Fran, 2011

MPC Graduation, 2011

--my family. yup, there it is. this year has had some strange dynamics--but somehow we always pull through with some laughs at the end. having mandy here for a few weeks was bliss. having celeste closer than st. george has been awesome. we are all adults now and my parents seem to be supportive, if still weary, of some of our decisions. they don't love that i live with my boyfriend, but they still support and love us and treat him like a son. they don't love that mandy is never home, but my mom sends packages my parents take trips. they don't love that celeste is finding her own path, but they still feed her when her broke college ass can't afford to buy a raman noodles. little disappointments, but always supportive. and we can still find common ground and ways to laugh despite any difference. love them all.

Mom & Me, Heber Creeper, 2011

Typical Mom & Dad, Father's Day 2011

Sisters, Beerhive, 2011

--my family of friends. this has been a strange year for me as far as friendships go. so without getting details about the ins and outs of things, i am most thankful for those friends in my life who can weather changes, ups and downs, and know that we are there for each other in the end no matter what. for those of you who have allowed me to disappear and reappear, figure things out, call and not call, and still be ready for a glass of wine and catch up session, even after six months of scheduling and rescheduling--your place can never be taken. life changes for everyone constantly. people get married, break up, have kids, find new loves, go out every weekend and then hermit away for months on end--and a myriad of other things. for friendships, old and new, that ride the waves and appreciate the cross sections of currents when they happen, my thankfulness cannot be put into words. for friends who have ridden the waves in other directions, you will always be missed and never replaced. and for friends who are over shit show weekends, let's hang out. :)

the following--

my dogs, our cute little bungalo house, working cars, food in the fridge, health health health, sunshine after days of grey, the beautiful mountains, books, records, wine, surround sound, salt lake city, mail when it isn't a bill, coffee, alchemy coffee's spiced chai, cooking, back scratches, long phone conversations with my sisters, i love you notes the boyfriend leaves for me when i wake up, the internet, his smile, vacations, high west whiskey, christmas lights, artichoke dip, glitter, tattoos, photos,

and the thought of what tomorrow will bring.

ever thankful. ever grateful. and always remembering that it isn't the happy people who are thankful but the thankful people who are happy. and i am the happiest when i remember that.

some things of note

2011-11-10T16:32:00.001-07:00

1) i think it is officially winter. it is cold--very cold. and there is that white stuff in the mountains, which was actually on the valley floor for a few days. i am postponing my disdain because i am very excited to decorate for christmas. i haven't had a tree in 5 years. it is funny what having someone else sharing a home with you can make you want to do. but stay home and decorate a tree with my hot man sounds pretty amazing. i think the boyfriend wants a 'real' tree....but i am shooting more for something like below. with birds perhaps. ;)

2) the veggie sandwich i ate at the robin's nest for lunch was more than divine. the name of it was 'the flower child' and it was adorned with avocado, tomato, red onion, olives, lettuce, melted swiss, and ranch on honey wheat bread. little moment of heaven.

3) i love this.

4) went and saw my friend's babies this week. that is right babIES. she just had twins. i am in love with them--they were so perfect. my ovaries are barely starting to calm down....

5) i could use about 4 of these right about now: Seductive Swan :: 1.5 oz vodka, 5 blackberries, 3 oz lemonade. Muddle four blackberries in bottom of tumbler. Add ice, vodka and lemonade. Garnish with blackberry.

happy thursday.

the weekend is nearly here!

to extend....

2011-11-07T11:32:00.001-07:00

i have been trying to forget about student loans or anything negative for that matter (not like there is much else negative) and get in a good mood the past week in a half.

staying home, being mellow, cooking, going to the gym and hanging out with my boyfriend have really helped to get my attitude back on track. sometimes you just gotta wind down. so, if you haven't seen me in a few weeks, you aren't the only one.

i did want to put in a little plug for my friend jessica who just got certified in eyelash extensions. i was lucky enough to be her model this weekend and got a set of these amazing extensions for free. the process was fairly simple and i am in love with them. no mascara! and they look soft and real. so, if you have been thinking about getting them, check her out on facebook and make an appointment. i believe she is starting new sets at around $100 and $50 for a fill...which is much cheaper than anywhere else i have seen.

back to the drudgery of Monday. :)

student loans; a rant

2011-10-25T15:20:00.001-06:00

today i spent a good amount of time on the phone with the servicer who is handling my student loans--which are coming due November 20th (that six month grace period really FLEW by). my loan repayment for graduate school is about $58,000 on top of what i have left to pay on my undergrad (about $6 grand). when i saw this paperwork for the first time, it literally took my breath away--and by that i mean, i almost puked. i understood the cost that was associated with the graduate program that i enrolled in--and i understood that there were no scholarships or teacher assistant-ships for graduate students as well. yet, somehow when you sign that "accept" letter, all of the money owed just seemed so far in the future that it wasn't really a reality. so, here i am, about 4 years after accepting my graduate school admittance letter, and the money is doing all of the talking. and walking--all over me.

i am trying very hard to not spiral into a black void of financial depression. does that sound bleak or what?

i feel like i sort of barely got back on top of things from a messy divorce--and by 'on top' i mean mutual debt paid off and being able to afford all other monthly payments--not including savings or paying any credit cards off--but rather, just staying afloat and being able to eat a nice meal in a fancy restaurant once in a while. BUT, i was just barely there. then, the boyfriend moved in and i thought i would have a little extra for things like traveling or a new car or home improvements--things i have never been able to afford while in school. turns out the living expenses that are now split in two are pretty much equaling out to be enough to send a monthly payment to the government.

i feel like i am back to square one. a college graduate with two degrees and a great job--but not much else to show for it other than a smile on face face because i love what i do. however, at the same time i have a car that makes so many inappropriate noises that i am certain the entire engine will fall out at any moment. and, when that happens, i am truly f*cked because the engineless car will end up being a nice ornament for the side of my street, because my broke ass won't be able to fix it. i could barely afford two new tires last month.

so where is the bright side in all of this? yeah, i have been asking myself that same question. and here is it: i got to go to graduate school. one of the best actually. AND, it got me the kind of job (nay, career!) i had been searching for. working in the non-profit world will NEVER get me a lot of money, and i need to get used to that now. my salary may never be six figures and i need to be ok with that. i had an opportunity to learn, write, teach, be heard, and get an education. i just had the opportunity to write a piece for United Way's blog about a refugee woman who never had the chance for an education--and all i had to do was sign some papers saying i would pay back some money. a shit ton of money, no less--but at least i had the choice.

if i can't afford to put gas in my car, i can walk.
if i can't afford to eat a 4 star meal in a nice restaurant, i can cook.
if i can't afford to travel, i can write stories about wanting to.

i have my mind, my health, and enough food in the pantry to last at least a few weeks--if i push it. i have a warm bed to sleep in, hot water, and a box of wine on my counter. it could be worse. right?

......as she tries not to bawl....

if you get a chance....

2011-10-25T11:01:00.000-06:00

before halloween--

check out Ballet West's Dracula. It was pretty damn good. The costumes and sets were amazing. I want to be in the girl vampire army! :)

every once in a while....

2011-10-21T14:20:00.001-06:00

i listen to this song on repeat for days and days. this is happening.

my dark and deathy self feels like this describes certain things about me perfectly. done with death book, but i guess this stuff is just part of who i am now. :)

yay! it is the weekend! haha. no really, it is just a really good song.

have a fun and safe weekend, everyone. we are going to hike ensign peak and drink whiskey tonight. then, tomorrow going to see ballet west's dracula and head to a costume party....

halloween is in the air for certain.

orange, yellow, red, mountain coasters, $3 margaritas, and nachos: an autumn afternoon in salt lake city

2011-10-17T16:00:00.000-06:00

my boyfriend and i were joking yesterday, as we were playing in the canyon, that scentsy really needs to come up with a scent something like 'autumn in the mountains of utah." it would pretty much be one of the best, top-selling, most-amazing, scents in the world.
being able to leave the city and be in the mountains in a matter of 20 minutes is one of the best parts about living in salt lake. as a utah native, sometimes it is easy for the sublime scenery that has surrounded me my entire life to go unnoticed. one of the things i love most about my boyfriend is that he reminds me, nearly every day, of the amazing epic beauty at our fingertips. everyone who knows me gets that i have always been a city girl to my core--but i am finding a new appreciation for open space more and more as i get older. the city is great, but getting away, even if only for an afternoon, allows me to get back to my center somehow. i am finding i like nature much more than i used to--as long as i am not climbing any crazy mountains or standing on any staggering cliffs. :) a girl has her boundaries.

yesterday, for virtually no reason, i woke up in a terrible mood. 'wrong side of the bed' is an understatement. russ suggested getting up into the canyon to check out the fall leaves, and while the thought appealed to me, i wasn't jumping out of my seat. i am glad he gets me to get the hell off my butt sometimes to SEE what is around me everyday. the drive was beautiful. the weather was perfect. and we even stopped in park city to ride the apline coaster, which knocked my socks off. for some reason, speed trumps my fear of heights and i was giggles all the way down. margaritas and nachos wrapped up our canyon adventure and the day was blissful.

if you have these gorgeous mountain at your fingertips, you better get up there before there are no more colors to be found by white. :) my boyfriend might be waiting for that, but i sure am not. if there is one thing that will probably never change, it is my disdain for winter. sorry babycakes. <3

pretty up those 10 fingertips!

2011-10-14T14:02:00.002-06:00

so, i have been loving all of the awesome nail decals i have been seeing lately...mostly on celebs and on a friend at work. :) the big name brand is minx nails--and mostly you have to go to a salon to get those done, and they run a bit more expensive. also, there is a stamping method called knoad that gives a similar look...but is a little different.

there are a lot of different brands, styles, and ways to get this look. i had been eyeing some of these nail decals at target, but had heard some not so very good things about them. but i thought--what the hell? last night i tried them for the first time.

i am in love! these are the Sally Hansen Salon Effects brand.

i will be honest, they were kind of tricky to figure out at first, but once i got the hang of it, it was pretty snappy. it took about twice as long as a regular paint job, but i think the process will get quicker. they have several different kinds and they run about $8.99. and so far, i have had no peeling or chipping...and lots of compliments. they might be my new go to since shallack is a bit more high maintenance for me...and i hate going to the nail salon.

and friends, that is my product review for the day. enjoy your weekend. we will see if these nails last! if so, they puts them automatically over regular nail polish fo sho!

Lunch Break Loves

2011-10-11T12:19:00.000-06:00

I was feeling the need for some color.
I was feeling the need to eat soup and look at pretty things.
I was feeling the need to virtually shop and not purchase....

dear student loans, when you come due, i will consider self harm. however, i shall refrain and just scream at the mailbox instead.

I might be broke for the rest of my life....

(all photos care of Wanelo and/or Etsy, yo)

lunch break over. belly full? check. eye candy had? check.

now to write some things of more substance....

check out United Way of Salt Lake's blog, The Hub, for some feel goods.

dear baltimore,

2011-10-10T15:12:00.001-06:00

you were pretty cool, but you did not inspire a poem. this is a bit strange seeing that the last 10 times (ish) i have traveled anywhere, i have gotten at least one pretty decent poem out of the experience.

even work travel.

even going to an amazing edgar allen poe tavern.

not one poem. sigh.

baltimore was a whirlwind of conferencing and partying. it was a great time--but the overall experience exhausted me a bit more than i was prepared for. AND, upon entering the homeland i was immediately struck down with a horrid cold. all this warm weather blanketed with cold weather topped with stupid snow, plus plane travel, had me blowing my nose far too often.

people don't even say 'bless you' anymore. i don't blame them.

but then there was the weekend. finally had some down time with the boy, watched some dexter, got some more tattoo work done on my 3/4 sleeve, attended a fabulous wedding, and got some good dog cuddling in. oh, and the boyfriend made some chili yesterday that blew my noshing mind. delish!

i am really enjoying the fall weather--i am not ready for snow yet. the leaves have barely started changing--and i need more boot/hoodie weather before i hold up in our house for 3 months. ug. ok ok, i am going to try to NOT hold up in the house.

it might be time to get crafty.

i think some salt scrubs or homemade tea might be fun.

Suggestions?

my little man

2011-09-30T11:26:00.003-06:00

he sure can't be away from me. he had a front row seat to his momma putting on her pretty this morning. he makes me happy. rainer just watches TV and could care less. ;) that is all.

looking forward to a weekend of hanging out with my family while my sister is still here. then, heading to baltimore for a conference. boyfriend is gone in texas for the weekend so our paths are not crossing for several days. i already miss him--but life happens, i suppose. keepin busy, as usual. that 'slow down' thing hasn't really happened yet. boo.

lunch break

2011-09-27T14:18:00.001-06:00

i wasn't hungry for lunch today. strange.

so, i wandered over to one of my favorite local bookstores/coffee shops. i enjoy sam weller's quite a bit and they have local coffee shop there as well, the coffee garden.

this ain't no barnes & noble bidness.

who needs food when you can sustain yourself on words?? (yes, a little overly dramatic, i know)

now, back to work--rockin out.

a little locket love

2011-09-26T18:45:00.000-06:00

....something about being able to keep a little secret next to your heart, i suppose....

i have never had a locket or really been interested in them much, but i am loving these...mucho.

Found some amazing ones HERE.

had an amazing weekend with my sister being in town. lots of running around, hiking, drinking delicious cocktails at bar x, eating high caloric foods (mostly of the mexican variety), couch dancing (you know, where you don't get up and dance, but you bob your head and wave your arms around) to music videos, family dinners, baby showers, and getting all caught up. i wish she wouldn't ever go back to the tundra that is alaska. oh well....glad to have her here for at least a little while.

in other news--my diploma arrived!

AHHHHHHH! Check mark that HUGE thing right off my list of life goals. :) i am a proud girl....proud of myself. hell yes.

10 reasons to be happy on a tuesday.

2011-09-20T16:33:00.000-06:00

1. the boy. number one is always the boy.

2. crispy september air that smells of leaves--crispy ones.

3. a dinner party 3 hours away.

4. sister making her way to slc in 2 1/2 days.

5. a home filled with soft blankets, soft dogs, and warm hearts.

6. a new scarf my mom bought me in alaska.

7. more time. in general. for being lackadaisical...ish.

8. lace anything

9. black nail polish that isn't chipping....so far.

10. a full one of these (<3).

we are going to make soup tonight and have some lovely friends over for dinner on this beautiful fall evening. looking forward to some catch up time, as well as a hearty delicious meal.

today is just one of those days (that happen a lot lately it seems) where i can't feel grateful enough for the beauty that exists in my everyday life. maybe i just notice those little things more now that i get to share them with someone. the everyday things can go unnoticed until for some reason, you notice. things like the changing of a season, the start of a new project, or falling in love can do that.

i just need to find a new project. i am thinking of taking that nice, high-end, beautiful nikon that lives at my house now out on a few adventures. i am feeling like capturing everything lately. i am at a place in my life where i don't want to forget anything.

blink. shutter. blink....shutter. gotta catch that moment. always.

keeping the out of control IN control!

2011-09-19T17:33:00.000-06:00

well. my shopping bug is out of control. i mean, i am containing the bug--but that doesn't mean that it isn't raging inside me! fall fashions are out to get me.

today, i got some new wedges--quite the find, on sale for $20. but did that do it? nope.

i had to go and buy two new pairs of booties as well. i stumbled across this great website: Blowfish. i will tell you right now, if you enter, you will have a hard time not purchasing something. just saying.

i ended up with these two:

and, i am currently loving this new ring i purchased a few weeks ago. it is quickly becoming one of my favorites in my very large, large ring collection. ;)

also, a noteworthy fact:

it is detox week. not my favorite--but needs to happen. no sugar, carbs, or alcohol.

AND: mandy gets into town on friday. i am peeing myself (not literally....yet).

AND: this weekend with my boyfriend was killer. sometimes just running errands and bumming around the house can be perfection. life sure is better with that man in it. <3

AND: that is all for today, lil' chillins.

Chels

slomo

2011-09-13T17:13:00.000-06:00

slow down. slow down. slow down.

this is my new mantra. and for someone who has had the opposite mantra her whole life, this will be difficult to change. in fact, i believe that i have been saying i will slow down now for a few years. i haven't.

the house is feeling settled again. the boxes are mostly all unpacked and nearly everything has found a place. there are a few stragglers of course, but eventually they will find theirs too. we have enough dishware, stemware, tea, and vitamins to last us through a nuclear fall out.

i finished an actual book that had nothing to do with death or school or web design. this is a good sign.

and, there is nothing on the calendar that is screaming at me until a colorado thanksgiving trip (besides a work conference in baltimore, but i am trying not to count that). maybe i can actually read another book.

so, let's go over some inspiring things in my life. :)

first, that book i said i read? yeah, it was pretty amazing. if you want to read a huge long poem about a woman who gives her baby up for adoption, spirals into alcohol addiction, learns her baby dies of cancer, and then somehow crawls her way out--this is your book. the language is so beautiful, raw, metaphorical, and brilliant. takes a few pages to get into her style, but once you do, it is like a wave of imagery.

I Wore the Ocean in the Shape of a Girl--Kelle Groom

a few selections from my music world that are nailing it for me lately:

Vib Gyor

Julia Stone

Julia Stone just released a solo album, but you may know her from the bro/sis duet Angus & Julia Stone, who i am mildly obsessed with. her album, Memory Machine, is a perfect fall album and i can't stop listening to it.

also, in general, spotify is making my life amazingly better--if not truely inspired. if you do not have it yet--get it. you will find you never use your itunes to listen to music anymore--and you can listen to anything you want...you just search for it, and THERE IT IS. it is like a magic thing--one that brings a smile to my face daily. :) if you need an invite, let me know.

AND, soup. yes, soup is insiring me. fall will do that, i suppose. time to make chili and veggie and creamy soups for months. i had the most amazing tom ga kai soup at Thai Siam last week--and i am still dreaming about it. the lime in this soup makes it a little extra special.

well, so there are a few fall inspirations. now i just need some new boots. :)

a few things to love

2011-09-02T14:57:00.002-06:00

some things i loved from my tumblr feed today (none are mine and i take no credit for their awesomeness). that is all. happy holiday weekend, yo.

considering happiness

2011-08-31T16:24:00.000-06:00

i have been swept up in a tunnel of lovely for the past month, and am blissfully exhausted for the most part. although, some of that exhaustion is sheer sleepiness.

when i finished grad school, i made a little promise to myself that 'free' time would be filled with writing and reading things that only i dictated. poetry. lazy books. short narratives. prose poems. that kind of thing. so far, the free time has been filled to the brim with other amazing things--albeit all things that have worn me out like a pair of old jeans. your favorite pair.

i am rewritting things in my head and in my literal life every moment.

some things to note:

the new job, so far, is going swimmingly. i am actually doing quite a bit of writing, which may be contributing to the decrease in writing in other places with more of a knack for loitering and lounging, such as here or there or even posting any restaurant reviews on nosh (i have been sitting on the high west distillery review now for weeks). i have managed to write a few poems, but i contribute that only to the fact that i traveled this month and a plane ride nearly always produces a poem or two. i have actually started quite the collection of travel poems, all of which harbor the title 'how to get to....fillintheblank (los angeles, milwaukee, st louis, philadelphia, etc).' that might make an interesting chap book someday, so i am keeping up with those.

speaking of traveling, i flew like a bird to the midwest a few weeks ago to take a peek at the hometown and surrounding areas of my lovah man. this was a very good thing--even though the trip was a virtual whirlwind. there is something to be said about the things you can't know about someone until you see the things that made them. and while i wouldn't say i have him completely figured out (and that is a good thing...) i do have a clearer picture of who he is...and i could say a million things about that which would set off your gag reflex.

also, milwaukee is pretty fantastic. chicago was meh. architecturally astounding, and beautiful from a distance--but being in the middle of it was a little anxious and quite overwhelming--and not in the best of ways.

and also, the labor of love which is moving is complete. co-habitation and living in sin have commenced. praise baby jesus. the going back and forth, sleeping in two beds, and generally forgetting that i have two dogs on occasion are over. hooray!

so. a lot of changes. all of the best kind ever in the world. i am really looking forward to this new life--one in which i am doing nearly everything i had set out to do and on top of it, doing it with one of the most amazing people who supports me every step of the way.

next on the list: more poems. going to submit to the sugar house review here pretty soon. looking forward to finding my place again in the slc writing community. if there is one still....

here is to hoping!

SUGAR HOUSE REVIEW ((check it))

Metaphors & Morticians

2011-08-03T09:39:00.005-06:00

i am excited to say that i have a final copy of my book ready to order for anyone who is interested. get the hard copy--it is way more awesome.

METAPHORS & MORTICIANS

BLURB is awesome for building books, if anyone is interested!!!

ALSO!!! I can officially announce my NEW JOB!

Starting on Monday, August 8th, I am the new Communications Manager for The United Way of Salt Lake City!! I will be doing their web content, some social media, and internal and external communications. I am so ELATED to finally be moving into a career that involves writing and not only that, but writing for an organization that is doing something for our community. Everything is coming up Chelsea! <3

july is slipping away and life is perfect...

2011-07-25T15:11:00.003-06:00

my book is done (pending fixing 3 typos) and looks pretty damn great. i am still getting used the idea that i don't need to spend 3 - 4 days/evenings a week writing or editing. it feels nice for now, but i know it is only a matter of time before that ache starts to rise up in my chest and the writing will continue. i am, at the very least, happy that it probably won't involve death or funerals for a while. however, i have an inclination that someday i will end up back there.

summer is shaping up to be lovely all around. things are feeling more mellow, which i really enjoy and so much time has been spent with all these amazing people that surround me. i couldn't ask for better friends and family to spend my time with. it is kind of ridiculous. summer is definitely my time of year--i flourish--i feel incredible and happy. like...for the first time in a LONG time...i am so intensely stoked on life that i sort of feel like exploding all the time. in a good way--like a goddamn firework. but not the katy perry kind--just saying. ;)

additionally, some of the best news i could deliver to you is that this degree of mine is already proving to be the best thing i could have done. i am finally exiting the hotel/event planning business and entering into a world where my actual title matches the very thing i went to school for. more on that later--pending the final details.

school and book done. new career on the frontier. but best of all, cleaning out closets to move that wonderful man of mine into my house. this is definitely a new chapter which i am happy to finally be writing. all this other stuff...school, book, job, etc is wonderful and makes me so happy--but really, the boy takes first place. i don't even care if i am a cheeseball about it. being a cheeseball isn't the worst thing ever, right? i love that man.

and here are some pretty things.

adventures in the mountains

2011-07-05T15:01:00.005-06:00

a holiday weekend in a list.

movie watching and bottles of wine.
sleeping in.
highway drives.
picnic by a fast moving creek.
sunshine.
wine in paper cups.
my head on his shoulder.
water falls and bare feet.
deer crossing.
listening to frogs in a vast meadow.
5 feet of snow blanketed by blue skies.
snowballs.
frozen over mirror lake.
ice cream cones and hand holding.
discount liquor.
delicious sushi.
pool club.
bbq in park city.
hot tubing and chatting.
skinny girl margaritas.
exhaustion.
sugarhouse park.
cheddar brats and pasta salad.
classy beers.
amazing friends.
water balloons exploding all over me.
sports sports sports--and hurt back. :(
nun-chuks.
firework explosions in every direction.
icing his hurt back.
cuddling.
sleeeeeping.

and i need a new job.

hope every one's weekend was as lovely as ours was!

heart heavy

2011-06-29T16:12:00.004-06:00

needed some pretty things to lift it.

it was a wanelo.com afternoon, obviously.

i am in love with my life

2011-06-27T08:58:00.003-06:00

coming off the weekend buzz on a monday morning is never fun. however, a weekend full of sheer awesomeness makes the work week much easier to face. this weekend consisted of a lovely ice cream date with some of my ladies from graduate school, farmers market, a quinceanera for the daughter of one of russ's work associates, arts festival, live tunes, soaking up the sun at the pool, cooking, a lovely evening with old friends, and lots of time with my handsome fella. somewhere in there i did some writing and editing and dog loving too. it was a busy, but wonderful weekend.

i am down to about 3 weeks until this book has to go to the printer. i have the first two chapters all edited and formatted into the book software, so it is coming along, but i am starting to feel the pressure. i am working with another student in the program who is a photographer to get some sweet shots for my book this evening, and then it is going to be a mad dash to finish up editing, write the last chapter, and make sure everything is perfect before sending it off to print by July 15th. holy crap. the good news is that the cover, inserts, and back of the book is all designed, i just have to import photos once we take them. it is going to look amazing when all said and done; it will be something i can really be proud of.

life is amazing and i have amazing people in it. i couldn't ask for much else.

things in my brain

2011-06-16T16:25:00.002-06:00

do you remember the old myspace days when the big thing was to fill out those stupid surveys and then post them on the bulletin board? and then when facebook started to become a big deal people were posting them in their "notes?" well, for some reason today i was cleaning up my facebook (i am sick of facebook i think...) and went into my notes section and read a bunch of them.

weird.

however, it was kind of interesting to remember all the crap that was going on at the time. funny how you answer questions like "if you could go anywhere on vacation where would it be?" or "what are three bands you want to see before you die?", you can remember EXACTLY what/who/where/when/how was going on in your life at the moment.

do you ever think back to not so long ago and feel like it was INCREDIBLY long ago? how does time fly by so fast and then stand still at the same time? how can 3 months go by and in moments it feels like 2 seconds and in other it feels like a year? i think that the older i get the more time freaks me out.

i remember a very specific day when i was 16, driving in my mom's mini van, and something on the radio made me think about the age 30. in that moment i COULD NOT process 30. i couldn't imagine what i would look like or what i would be doing. i remember wondering what kind of shoes i would have on, as if age 30 was one short day, and not a whole year of life. red heels. i hoped i would wear red heels. and something about a cool car...

which is strange because i could care less about cars, even at 16. maybe driving the mini van was traumatic in some way.

anyway, i have been sitting here thinking i am old and not feeling old. thinking i should have done more and that i have done a lot. thinking that the 10 years between 21 and 31 feel like they evaporated into thin air and that while i have always felt like "myself," i am really only now starting to feel like the person i will be for the rest of my life. and thinking that i need to have some babies before another 10 years flies by and evaporates. what an effing scary thought.

sometimes i feel like i haven't created anything substantial. and, maybe even if i have, i will always feel like that somehow.

everything is always transitioning, but this is the first time i have felt like the transitioning is mellowing me out in a way that i really want to slow down my life. sit on my porch. garden. write more poems. settle. be quiet. be pensive. listen to slow music. maybe if i don't live the next 10 years as hard and fast as the last ten, they will last longer.

then again, sometimes i am afraid to sleep because i will miss it all.

it is friday. thank jebus.

2011-06-10T09:58:00.004-06:00

i am tired of my job. i want to teach. eff this in between crap right now. ug.

here are some pretty things to distract me (and you, if you so desire). i am really into this "love letter" jewelry right now. i think it is so dainty and beautiful.

renewed

2011-06-06T15:20:00.004-06:00

graduation and vacation has come and gone. not sure how that happened. time never stops freaking me out with its hurriedness. sometimes, i wish it would just pause--even for a minute--so that i could try to take some of it in before it is gone.

graduation is a big deal for me. getting a masters degree was a huge huge major life goal of mine--and i can't believe i did it. the work that i have put into completing my MPC over the past 3 years is beyond my comprehension at times--especially when i consider all of the life changes i went through. school saved me in a lot of ways; and, i feel like it is some kind of test of my character that i could still pull a 4.0 while dealing with so much bullshit sometimes. i am proud of myself...more so than i probably ever have been. it feels sort of amazing.

graduation was followed by an amazing week of vacation. every part of it was pretty wonderful--the driving, the places we saw, the food we ate, the hotels (for the most part) the connecting, the rain (most of the time), the little bits of sunshine that made us smile, the sore legs from walking, the amazing wine country, and most of all sharing it all with someone who appreciated it all as much as i did. we came home to sunshine and the sort of butterflies in our stomachs that you get when you see your city for the first time in a week and realize how much you missed it. it is so important to get away, but it is always so great to be home again. i am looking forward to more adventures with the mister and the calm that comes being homeward bound.

and now that it is all over, i am looking forward to a summer of heat, patio swing sitting, and spending time with all of those i love so much. :)

<3

feeling a little off

2011-05-25T14:54:00.002-06:00

for some reason.

maybe it is because it is Wednesday
or that the sun is finally out and i am not sure what do to about it
or that i have exactly one million things to do before Sunday
maybe i have been drinking far too much water and my heart is floating around a bit
or my belly is just feeling empty for the past three weeks
or maybe it is because i didn't drink enough coffee this morning
or that my boy is out of town in tornado valley
maybe i miss my sisters too much and it makes me feel limbless
or maybe i am just too worried about the fact that my dog has lost some hair
maybe the 10 lbs i lost the last month took something with it
or perhaps i haven't bought a new pair of shoes in a while and my soul is pissed

who knows.

i feel floaty--drunken, but without libation.

oh well.

here are some pretty things...

count down to vacation central

2011-05-24T13:20:00.006-06:00

5 days. only 5 days!

looking forward to some of the cool places we are staying. hopefully, they will all be as good as they appear online.

tahoe

The Cedar Glen Lodge looks pretty awesome. You can walk to the sandy beach and we have a lake view, which should be pretty dope. they have a lot of different style cabins--but we are staying in the large cabin in a studio room--apparently it has a deck with a great view. we shall see! tahoe just got more snow, so i am hoping for some sunshine, a nice hike, and some beach time.

sanfran

in frisco we are staying at the Grant Plaza Hotel, which is super close to Chinatown. i think that russ is most excited for that, so being in walking distance is good. i like sanfran, but i have been there a few times--russ hasn't. so i am pretty much letting him determine this portion of the trip. :) all i want to do is ride a trolly car, cause i have never done that. the hotel looks antique and quaint, so that should be lovely.

sonoma

Vintage Towers looks sooooo beautiful. Can't wait for this one. This will more than likely be the highlight of the trip. we will be staying in the 'vintage tower suite'...how roooomantic.

as you can imagine, concentrating on work is proving difficult. lots to do to make sure things are set for a week off. i am so burned out and can't wait to not step foot in my hotel for 7 days.

now i just have to decide one thing: to stay plugged in or unplug for vacation. normally i would check in, post photos, and keep everyone on the up and up. however, a good internet break would be nice. russ doesn't think i can do it. he might be right--but i think i should give it a good go. chelsea unplugged. it has a nice ring.

showers and sunshine

2011-05-23T16:09:00.005-06:00

my lovely friend had a lovely bridal shower this weekend. and no, it did not include opening kitchen aid appliances or bath towels. it included good food, lots of champagne, a few fun games, and an amazing view. so happy for my friend and it was such a nice way to celebrate.

ball park on sunday was fun as well--the sun came out for just enough time to give me a nice sunburn and heat up the field.

this week is graduation. GRADUATION! been waiting for this for a long time--and i can't wait until all of this is over and russell and i are on vacation. i need to decompress in a major way.

life is so amazing.

sweet friday favorites

2011-05-20T16:15:00.003-06:00

what i would like is some sunshine, a calorie-free alcoholic beverage, my boy, and a book on my porch swing. since that won't be happening this evening, i will settle for some lovely images that have caught my eye today.

deep dark black

2011-05-19T14:36:00.005-06:00

today i am obsessed with black walls. black tile. black bathtubs. i want an entirely black bathroom, period. that is all.

and a few other things that caught my eye today, just for fun.

i keep moving between really old, artsy, fading, rusting, lovely things--to other things more uber modern, sleek, sassy with clean lines. i am not sure these two looks can really be combined...and i think that the whole "antique chic" thing doesn't usually work. oh well. someday, i supposed i will need two houses.

also, i would like for the rain to stop because it is depressing me and all i want to do is sleep these days. i hate feeling like that. my heat is still on, and i am still wearing boots. today is may 19th--so eff that.

in other news, yesterday marks month (4) of being with the most wonderful man i may have ever met. so, all in all, even if it is raining, i will still be smiling. that happy always sits present in my heart.

hopefully, june will bring more sunshine. then maybe the black bathroom won't seem so glamorous.

<3

mixed tape

2011-05-18T14:40:00.005-06:00

with all this rain, i am trying to will summer with music--and flip flops. enjoy.

i need a project

2011-05-17T15:00:00.009-06:00

well, really, i don't. i have enough on my plate for the next month. but, i feel like getting my hands dirty and want some sort of artsy creation to undertake.

i was thinking something like this would be super fun...pseudo wine bottles attached to some kind of twinkle lights...this would be rad above my kitchen table.

or maybe some lighting made from plastic utensils? i would at least get to play with fire...

but i sort of love this melted GI Joe bowl. no really, i love it.

also, i think this is kind of brilliant. why choose ONE color for your walls when you can certainly have them all? i like this way of thinking. and it looks sort of amazing.

and as overplayed as angel wings are, i think these lamps are killer. would have to think about how to construct this one for a while though.

and finally--i WILL be doing something along these lines. i got about 75 really old mini Polaroid photos from an estate sale that i need to do something with. i like the boards behind these, but i also like the idea of hanging them from twine around the walls of my office. so, we shall see. good inspiration though.

as soon as my book is done, it is going to be projects galore.

a poem. just because i felt like writing one.

2011-05-13T14:36:00.002-06:00

detonate and bloom

i have lived at least three lives.
          one: groundwork
          two: explosive theory and practice
          three: the art of eruption and collapse
those mishaps.
those misunderstandings.
those things that entered my skin
closing all exists,           have now dismantled.

all the mistakes--
the limbs lost in mine fields--
all the powerlessness that sank inside
this chest laden with fireworks—          exploded.

and then was doused.

the dynamite, unsettled,
is now transformed electricity,
which I control, choose,
and illuminate with.
there are no fuses.
there is no gun powder.
this new pilgrimage
          is calm
          is life-giving
          is existence
with an undercurrent
of perfect voltage.
a beautiful spark buzzing
in an arc over my salty skin.

black sandy beaches

2011-05-12T09:11:00.000-06:00

we saw a really amazing band a few nights ago--the dear hunter.

i don't know why every time i want to see a band at this local venue called the avalon, i don't really care so much about the headlining band, but rather opening bands. this was the case with the dear hunter, as well as every other show i have seen at this shitty venue. i went to see as tall as lions open for the same band that the dear hunter opened for this week (dredg) and paid 20 bucks to see 3 songs. the same thing happened this week as well. for whatever reason--probably that this venue is lame, (doesn't serve alcohol and has an early curfew due to being close to homes) the dear hunter was only allowed to play five songs. big boo fest for that crap. oh well. it was amazing and they were far better than the band they were opening for. i hate that. don't get me wrong, dredg was pretty good--but not nearly as intricate, lovely or incredibly tight as the dear hunter.

check em out.

the good stuff

2011-05-09T11:24:00.003-06:00

the last few weekends have been pretty killer.

friends in town.
great salt lake.
park city.
big cottonwood canyon.
mother's day.
live music.
great food.
happiness galore.

life is so sweet.

a lot of happy things in one photo

2011-04-28T10:09:00.000-06:00

intersections

2011-04-26T11:45:00.003-06:00

so, today i was talking to my mom on the phone about how crappy the weather has been the past few weeks...and i loudly stated "it is april 26th for heaven's sake!!"...then i sort of stopped and realized it was april 26th...holy crap, it would have been my 9th wedding anniversary today. then, i stopped again and realized...THANK GOD it isn't. and additionally, how effing weird. ;)

i am so infinitely happy about where i am in life, the hard work it took to get here, the picking myself up from the very bottom of the floor, carrying on, and getting happy, on my own terms--FINALLY. took a while--but hell, it should. my life right now, at this moment, is near perfection. i had a migraine last night, so not quite perfect..haha, but hard work pays off. it takes a lot of guts to eliminate people from your life who drain you dry, but i did it--and now all i seem to feel is full. i feel more prepared for life than i ever have and prepared is something i am not used to feeling. i don't feel like i am at an intersection any more--i feel like i have built a road for myself and now all i have to do is put one foot in front of the other. and i couldn't ask for better people to be walking with.

mental note to self: remember what it feels like to feel so intact.

and here are some fancy robots, because as they say, 'all is full of love.'

want

2011-04-19T16:44:00.003-06:00

i am just so obvious. oh well. i like pretty birdy antiquey things. so what.

and, work was slow this afternoon. :)

maybe spring really is on its way

2011-04-16T14:10:00.002-06:00

did some major work in the yard today. it felt good to get outside and get dirty. then i rode my bike for about an hour. now, i am tired and think i should take a long nap. but who knows when the sun will come out again--which makes me think i should sleep on my porch swing...or on a blanket in the grass. house looks good though. i am certainly ready to have people over for food and beers.

once upon a time...

2011-04-15T16:08:00.003-06:00

i was a ballerina. for 13 years, actually. strange that i identified myself as that for so long and am now so far removed from it. i mean, sure, i like to get out and go see performances, but i haven't danced since i was 19 or so. going to the ballet or to see the salt lake modern dance company (ririe woodburry) always makes me a little nostalgic. i think that i was never a dancer at heart...but maybe just an artist and once i figured out the form that best suited me (writing), dancing was almost easy to give up. i never wanted more than one focus or one passion. i feel lucky to be good at one of them...and even luckier to have been decent at the other in when i was young.

so, russell and i are going to the ballet tonight and i will love it and be happy to be there and i will also remember how the resin smelled when i dipped my point shoes in it before a performance. i might get a tear in my eye. and then i will write about it and feel like i have come full circle somehow.

that is the best part.

my life this week

2011-04-14T14:27:00.002-06:00

has been consumed by spring snow (yes, more of that) and dog hang outs. work has killed me--nearly--and i can't remember the last time i needed a weekend so badly. i have kind of been feeling so overwhelmed that i feel like making a really long tattoo appointment...you know, to take the edge off. weird, i know. i feel like i could possibly sleep for at least 3 days straight.

i feel like i haven't seen my boyfriend in ages.

between now and graduation day, i have like one million and three things to do and events to attend.

if the sun doesn't show its face soon, i might actually cry real tears.

i miss my sisters. a lot. and i am not sure when i will see either of them. UNACCEPTABLE.

oh well.

dear vacation, please hurry

2011-04-08T14:37:00.003-06:00

2 days in tahoe

2 days in san fran

2 days in sonoma (in a amazing bed and breakfast suite, mind you)

i am so ready for vacation. i am even ready for a long ass car ride.

waiting for the weekend to sweep me away.

2011-04-07T13:17:00.005-06:00

i am looking at this photo as a metaphor. :) because i see everything as a metaphor. damn, those bikes look good together. ha!

nice bikeride around town last night. it will def be a summer for cruising. alas, today is crap weather again, so probably won't get the bike out again for a few days. but, it was nice while it lasted.

and i scored some ballet tickets from my cousin. mister russell and myself are just turning into such a cultured couple. fine by me. i am feeling sort of exhausted lately--i need some down time. i am not sure what i mean by "downtime"...but something that doesn't involve going out or staying up late. i feel like i need to sleep for 3 days straight.

and i will be getting a sweet bonus next week for being a killer salesperson. yay.

now i have to get back to detailing events and shiz. work is still so busy i sort of want to die.

and here is a song for you to listen to.

that is all.

a weekend

2011-04-04T17:47:00.004-06:00

spring tried, for a minute, to hang out in the SLC for a while...but it didn't really last. but, at least my flowers are starting to come up and don't look too dead. :)

it was a lovely weekend full of good tunes, friends, bike rides, hanging out in a 9 million dolla house in park city, family, and the best man in the world. i hate the monday come down. BUT, tonight is ladies nosh night, so there is that. looking forward to cooking some breakfast in jammies and drinking mimosas.

it is going to be a busy week, like usual.

what caught my eye today

2011-03-30T15:48:00.002-06:00

perhaps this says something about my mood? :)

the post has no real title to speak of

2011-03-29T18:58:00.002-06:00

feeling tired and worn out and not so motivated. disjointed perhaps.

i think doing your taxes will do that to a person--especially when the cash is flowing TO the IRS and not to your bank account.

i am mothaeffing restless as hell.

uh huh red lips

2011-03-28T16:21:00.005-06:00

quite enjoyed a night out with my fedora, red lips, kelley, and uh huh her.

great techno chick rock if you want to check it out. some may say of the lesbian persuasion, but i don't think that matters much at all.

dig this song, or don't. but i personally think you should. leisha hailey, who is the blond in the band, is hot. i have been a fan since the L word--another lesbian persuasion cable program. that is right, i like dudes (one in particular)--i can just appreciate talent. so there.

want.

2011-03-27T18:11:00.003-06:00

well, that was lovely

2011-03-27T13:20:00.004-06:00

the symphony was delightful. amazing, actually. and i like seeing my boyfriend in a suit--just saying.

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classy couple

2011-03-25T13:19:00.004-06:00

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tonight russ is taking me to see the utah symphony play Mozart's 40th. i am going to wear heels and curl my hair. i have always wanted a man who would not only just GO to the symphony/ballet/theater...but actually would suggest it himself and buy the tickets.

keeping him.

rah rah oh la la.

2011-03-22T18:55:00.004-06:00

lots has happened.

a cooking class with my delicious boyfriend, which was amazing.
a work trip to los angeles, which was intense
a lady gaga concert, which was unspeakably awesome
a lot of shitty weather, which was, well--shitty
a phone lost to water at the bar--which was expensive
was asked to write for Wasatch Woman's magazine, which was pretty dope
and lots of time falling more head over heels

i had a lot of pretty great photos to go with this update, but since my phone was killed in a tragic accident, they also perished. so, here are just a few.

spring snow

2011-03-08T18:25:00.002-07:00

can suck it.

however, it is effing beautiful! my little flowers trying to come up aren't very pleased, but I have a feeling they will make it through! :)

some tunes for you to enjoy

2011-03-07T13:44:00.002-07:00

i like to take pictures of beverages, obviously....

2011-03-06T19:23:00.003-07:00

this weekend was killer.

the show, like i said, was awesome. saturday i got to hang out with my good friend jen, whom i had not seen in a while. brunch and some coffee/chit chat time was awesome. then last night the boy and i had some lovely falafal dinner along with some turkish coffee--which was pleasant and tasty. then, we headed to beerhive to do a little birthday celebration. we had a good time drinking and chit chatting and watching the jazz win in overtime. i wore a new dress and got fancy with the purple eyeshadow.

i am crazy about this boy, if i haven't mentioned it. i have to say, it is strange being in this overly technological world where the damn facebook status is such a big deal--but hell--now it is all sorts of official and there is that. more importantly, this feels different...and he treats me different...and everything about it feels real when so many things in the past several years have felt so fraudulent. and i can't stop smiling. it is amazing how one person can make life as a whole seem so much....better. :)

Portugal. The Man

2011-03-05T11:45:00.006-07:00

loved this show last night. i got a parking ticket, but oh well.

tonight we are going out for drinks for a little belated birthday gathering for the boy. should be fun. then, hoping to catch the end of the king niko show a little later tonight. busy weekend.

in other news, i got my official graduation invitation. woohoo! i am almost there!

flutter

2011-03-04T13:36:00.004-07:00

loving all of these right now. and, the boy just purchased a record player, so we have been buying records and listening to them. everything sounds so much better on vinyl. sigh. and i think it is only a matter of time before i buy birds. like real ones--because i am obsessed with them.

pretty much

2011-03-03T14:30:00.000-07:00

just ready for this show tomorrow. eeek. EEK! so excited. :)

beehive tearoom

2011-03-02T18:02:00.006-07:00

have i mentioned that this is one of my favorite places in the city?

had a little stop off there for a minute today to get a spiced chai (the best). came across this great book that had old photos of salt lake. loved it. i want everything that looks old and beautiful.

2011-03-01T14:08:00.006-07:00

celebrated the boy's birthday yesterday. finally got to the himalayan kitchen for some amazing indian food and he seemed stoked enough on the cooking class i got him (us) for his birthday. so yay. :)

(i am REALLY looking forward to the cooking class...haha)

also looking forward to the portgual. the man show this weekend and riding my new bike in this nice weather.

tonight, after a quick bike ride in the evening sunshine, i am going to drink wine and start writing chapter 4, which is on embalming, cremation and burial. yay! i will be so happy when this book is finished!

but mostly, just looking forward to more time with this handsome devil.

why i love living in salt lake city

2011-02-28T10:25:00.001-07:00

birthday. love. happy. chelsea.

2011-02-27T12:39:00.003-07:00

i am one seriously lucky girl. my very handsome boyfriend spoiled me and my wonderful friends were awesome and my family was amazing this year.

i can't remember the last time i was this happy.

dinner at eva. friends at the woodshed. an awesome bike. a delicious cake. dinner with the parents and boy at sea salt. waking up early and couch cuddling in front of the boob tube. french toast making. i could not have asked for a better weekend.

this is what 31 looks like

2011-02-25T13:20:00.003-07:00

and thank god the blonde is coming back. being a brunette just wasn't me. i am not as dark and brooding as i thought...

so excited for today and so thankful to be spending it with those i love. happy birthday to me! can't wait to post about all the love tomorrow.

my house still smells like garlic and cilantro

2011-02-24T09:12:00.003-07:00

russ and i cooked THE BEST tortilla soup last night. we have mad cooking skills.

and i am purdy sure i am getting a beach cruiser for my birthday, which makes me ACHE for summer. we are supposed to get a snow storm today. that makes me want to cry really big tears...

i should........

2011-02-23T14:17:00.007-07:00

be spending more time writing. but i don't wanna. i really don't. my motivation is near zero. writing for the book, of course. i just finished up chapter three, and i know it needs like hours and hours worth of revising. shoot me now. and i think i have two chapters scheduled for march. i have boyfriend brain. it is true.

you know, boyfriend brain. all function outside of boyfriend thought is all over the place, not concentrated, sort of like little seizures of normal thought in between the 90% of my brain that is being occupied by the boyfriend. ah, new relationships. i'll get it back eventually...i hope. <3

it is also my birthday week! holy crap, didn't i just turn 30? oh well, bring on 31. i just keep getting older and smarter. well, hopefully. ;) lots of fun bday celebrations this weekend. and what better way to visualize a birthday than with 50 cent? hellllla.

i am also very happy for my very good friends in the band, king niko, who took home the city weekly music awards top honor. best band in the SLC. proud of them. very very proud! :)

CHECK IT OUT!

week | end

2011-02-21T14:28:00.003-07:00

este pizza. organic pale ale. new friends. big smiles. little whispers. french press coffee. squatters brunch with the besties. tattoo convention. sister wife. new heart. american graffiti tattoo shop. missed friend's bday dinner (sad). more beer. baby sister. pre-gaming. the complex. cute cuddly boy in my favorite hoodie. king niko wins city weekly music awards. sleeeeping in. finished chapter 3. hot pot soup with boy and new friends. sapporos. snow. kisses. early bed and dog snuggles.

what a week | end.

it is a party

2011-02-18T08:50:00.003-07:00

hula hooping class probably isn't my most favorite thing in the world--but doing with my favorite girlfriens IS. such a fun time last night!

tonight will consit of...

2011-02-17T15:03:00.002-07:00

this

and this

and i am obsessed with this

and smiling, despite a shitty day at work, because this is full

to be a valentine

2011-02-14T13:50:00.004-07:00

nothing better than a boy who finds 50 ways to call you beautiful and buys you vinyl of the latest album from one of your favorite bands. i am keeping him as long as possible. and for the record: vinyl is better than flowers and homemade cards are better than store bought. but there is pretty much nothing better than a hand written note from a significant other.

head over feet.

happy love day everyone. i hope that you all told someone and were told by someone how beautiful you are.

and yes, the card is blurry on purpose. a girl has to keep some things just for herself. <3

a better look

2011-02-09T18:27:00.002-07:00

here is a pic of the new work i have gotten done on my 3/4 sleeve. i was dangerously optimistic about the amount of time it was going to take to bring this from a 1/2 sleeve to a 3/4 sleeve. i still have so much work to do.

these are my lovebirds. i decided to get lovebirds because i really needed some luck in the love department and i wanted something to remind me to be positive and to remember that my other birdy is on his way... ;)

i am so happy with this work!! nick phillips at loyalty tattoos is the shiz.

things on my brain

2011-02-09T13:11:00.004-07:00

today is one of those days where there is only one thing i want to listen to. rem. lots and lots of rem.

michael stipe still makes my little heart skip beats. yes, i know he is gay. no, i don't care.

speaking of hearts. it is almost the big V day. (v as in valentines--yes my brain went there too....). feeling lovey dovey. it has been hard to wipe the smile off my face for the past three weeks. i think this one is going to be a good one. plus, i just get super lovey for my family and friends and awesome dogs. i know that a lot of people think valentines day is a crappy capitalistic holiday created by the greeting card companies to make money...but i say there is nothing wrong with having a day to appreciate the people in your life who you love. and i have a lot of them. i would rather have a BIG heart than a pessimistic one. bring on the heart candy and cheesy cards! plus, i always get flowers from my dad--which i always look forward to. so happy for the good men in my life!

i want this.

2011-02-08T10:10:00.001-07:00

not this crap.

and so far....

2011-01-24T14:27:00.003-07:00

2011 is right on track.

my new house pretty much rules the planet as far as houses go. i couldn't have asked the universe to send me a better place. the size, the design, the light, everything is awesome. i feel really happy there. the dogs are running around like crazy and love the yard and are now very grateful that i have put down rugs...because the hardwood floors were sort of hard for them to navigate. it was pretty funny there for a few weeks.

no classes this semester also makes for a happy chelsea. i have had time to finally sit down and start on my book. i am about half way through chapter two, which makes me feel much better and making progress. i still have a lot of anxiety about it, but all in all, i know it is doable and i am excited. tonight is a writing night--and i am not complaining.

i also got a promotion at work. i was a bit reluctant, but in the end, i decided to take it since i don't think my dream job of being a food and wine writer is going to pan out and make me millions of dollars soon. although, i am still hopeful. :) work has been sooooo busy, i haven't even really had time to think much about any kind of job change anyway. ultimately, i think i may stay in this industry and just see if i can maneuver my way into some kind of corporate/writing/traveling sensation. i am not sure i want to throw away 8 years of event planning to TRY to be an editor or something. i could hate it. so, there is that. work is good, for now. (it has been a long time since i have been able to say that).

there was some initial BS on the dude front so far this year--maybe one last laugh for the universe before sending something better my way. this week has been awesome in the dating department. awesome. i am a smitten kitten, and that is all i am going to say.

also, pretty much carb and sugar free for over two weeks now. feeling good. feeling good.

the sun is out today, and i am pining for spring like i can't explain. i can't wait to plant a garden this year and hang out in my huge yard and drink coffee and other adult beverages on my porch swing.

i love life.

now i will listen to pinback and think of driving with my windows down n shiz.

all is full of love

2010-12-13T21:57:00.003-07:00

tonight i started packing.

as the pictures started coming off the walls and the space became more and more bare, all of a sudden, i had a huge overwhelming sense of freedom from all of the negativity that was in my life in the past 4 years.

tonight i also took my last final of graduate school.

as i was driving home, i couldn't stop smiling--even though it didn't really hit me then, and hasn't yet, that a major life goal of mine is nearly accomplished.

everything is changing. i feel amazing.

when i moved into this house, my life was very literally in shambles. everything had come unraveled--yet, i still held myself, for the most part, together. i was able to pull straight A's in grad school, make a shit ton of new amazing friends, go through relationships that were horrendous and wonderful all at the same time.

the experiences i have had since i have been in this house (divorce final, home foreclosure, giving my heart away and taking it back (more than once), paying off debt, etc) have been the building blocks to putting my heart and life back together.

and finally, FINALLY, i feel intact. all grudges gone. all pieces of my broken heart near mended. all people in my life positive. all smiles. all abundant.

at the end of the month i will move into a new home. i will write a book. i will walk with my masters degree with my graduating class. and i WILL find the love of my life. i will smile in a way that i didn't for so long.

like the way i am smiling at this very moment.

thank you.

2010-11-26T09:17:00.002-07:00

obligatory thanksgiving blog:

my dogs, for keeping me warm on lonely cold nights.
my mom, for learning how to text message and always being thoughtful.
my dad, for always making me laugh.
mandy moo, for being my best friend--even at a distance.
celeste, for feeling like i know you better than ever.
for old friends who have seen me through my worst times and loved me more because of them.
for new friends who have reminded me that life always has something exciting.
for a job that i might not love, but does a good job paying the bills.
finding a new house that doesn't share a wall with a crazy woman.
myself, for being strong enough, finally, to purge bad people from my life.
for gillian, jonda, jennica, and anna--girls that keep me laughing and who i have fallen in love with.
for couples in my life who really love each other and give me hope.
for graduate school and feeling like i have nearly accomplished one of my major lifetime goals.
for wine, of course.
for an amazing trip to alaska with my sister and seeing things that changed me.
for ryan, being the most consistent man in my life in 3 years and raising the bar.
for water bottles of vodka.
for valentines day flowers from my dad.
for a year being healthy and not having to see a doctor once.
for new tattoos.
for finally feeling financially stable again after 2 years of cleaning up a very large divorce mess.
for new music that made me all warm and fuzzy.
for being able to write, and write well.

for all the people in my life...because people are the most important thing. i could have nothing material, and the people in my life would still keep me happy as a clam.

panic

2010-11-19T13:42:00.003-07:00

so, i keep waking up in the middle of the night having panic attacks. in fact, i keep having mild panic attacks on most days and then having severe ones at night. who wakes up from a deep sleep with a panic attack? i thought that sounded super weird, so today, i did some research. come to find out, those who deal with panic disorder often times wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety attacks, as well as have them throughout the day. many times they have no idea WHY they are even having attack because a stressful situation is not currently taking place.

welcome to my life.

funny thing is that i have no problem living my life or doing the things that i need to do. i just plug along. however, everyone who knows me know that i consistently have a shit ton on my plate and down time doesn't really exist in my world. so perhaps i am not feeling as though there is an immediate threat of stress in my life--because EVERYTHING i am doing is stressful. maybe my body is just pissed.

however, i would like to not feel like my heart is going to explode all the time.

2011 is going to be the year of healthy chelsea. i haven't been to the doctor or dentist in far too long. therefore, a physical and some teeth cleaning are in order. also, maybe it is time to actually try some therapy. you know, since i never did when my life spun out of control.

until then, bring on the holiday food, beer, and panic attacks. i can deal with anything for 2 more months.

:)

haunted

2010-11-02T21:06:00.002-06:00

more than any other time of year, the autumn effs with me. i am haunted by so many things in the past that linger like heavy air in my chest. it is like the leaves start changing and all of a sudden, i am reliving every relationship that i miss, every song that i love, every experience that burned into my skin, every word i once wrote, every heart-heavy longing that i fought for. when the trees change color, i feel like all the skin i thought i had once shed is actually still hanging on for dear life to every bone in my body.

i miss everything right now. all at once. and anything new feels fraudulent. memories are always more palpable and passionate and disparate (no, not desperate--although, maybe a bit of that too) than the events/people/places actually were. or, so i like to tell myself.

so here is to the things i am missing today, which i won't name, because that would be a long list of bullshit that you don't all want to read.

**holds up her organic pale ale in a toast**

obsessed

2010-10-26T09:52:00.002-06:00

i tend to get obsessed with music easily. however, i haven't been this ridiculous about a band in a long long time. i don't think i have found anything that i love as much since ray lamontage. perfect for the time of year and such. if you don't know angus and julia stone, you should.

and this one I LOVE:

sometimes there is just that perfect song for that one person who will never get it.

2010-10-25T14:11:00.003-06:00

some things in chelsea's head on october 22, 2010

2010-10-22T12:39:00.004-06:00

it smells good outside.

like--when you turn the heater on for the first time.

the streets of my city are altered with colors that are both beautiful and foreboding.

i want to sleep on the couch in the middle of the day.

i can barely get out of bed in the morning. the blackness of 6 am is sometimes the most comforting blanket to sleep in.

i want to have fresh flowers in my house all winter long.

i wish i could leave my city for the holidays. for some reason, i think they may be unbearable this year.

there isn't enough passion in my life right now.

fall makes me want to kiss, and kiss hard.

i want to get a better camera and be a photographer.

my death book looms. it is both exciting and depressing.

all i want to listen to are singer/songwriters or folk musicians who sing sad songs about love lost.

james morrison, ray lamontagne, bon iver, ani difranco, jose gonzalez, aqualung, as tall as lions, kristofer astrom, ben lee, band of horses, jeremy enigk, elliott smith, glen phillips, ingrid michaelson, john mayer, joni mitchell, etc.

i am really not feeling like halloween, dressing up, or eating a bunch of crap. i kind of feel like skipping it all together.

my blond hair is going away. a chestnut brown with red will be taking its place. time for a reinvention of sorts. november 6th is the day.

i want to lay on my hardwood floors and write poems.

everyone seems to be breaking up or getting divorced. i hate it. doesn't anyone stay together anymore? broken hearts are everywhere.

lately, i feel like packing my car up and driving it away.

i have made some of the most amazing friends this year. it is funny how when some things end, other wonderful things begin.

i am really good at my job. i even bonused again last quarter. this still does not create any love for it.

i need to organize my house. and then i need to move out of the ghetto.

this winter, i am going to try to love the snow. try being the key word.

i miss things i shouldn't.

having it all seems impossible.

i am absolutely in love with sleeping.

happy fall.